Invest In Your Marriage; Not Your Divorce!
By the time some couples reach my office door, they often say they have had it:
•If we continue the way we have been, we are through!
•I’ve had enough!
•I don’t know whether to stay or go.
•How bad is bad enough to leave?
Even before they step foot in my office, one or both of them have contacted an attorney in order to find out “what my rights are.”
It has always amazed me that people are willing to pay attorneys thousands of dollars to put an end to the suffering in their marriages when it could cost them far less to learn HOW to stop the pain and live together more lovingly, save their families from turmoil, and hang on to their life-long finances (as opposed to dividing them up).
Learning to live together is NOT easy. It befuddles all our expectations of the perfect marriage or relationship. We start seeing the flaws in the person we thought would bring us endless bliss. They become boring, difficult and just plain annoying:
•You didn’t please me…
•You didn’t change when I asked you to…
•You never listened to me or made me a priority…
These are the things that couples still argue about over the years after the paperwork for the divorce is signed and filed.
Divorce is more of an emotional battle than a legal one. Yes, of course, there are a number of legal issues regarding the termination of any contract, but the marital contract is filled with more than legal concerns. It is filled with hopes and dreams of a perfect life of fulfillment.
When we find that the one we have pinned all our hopes on no longer wants to be with us, we become angry and protective of our things because our wide-open hearts are broken. We often use the courts as a place to “get back at the SOB” for choosing to leave, and accordingly, family courts are bottle-necked all over the country. Deciding to leave without our spouse’s permission or knowledge was not a part of how we planned our life together.
When your marriage hits some rocky times, seek help. Don’t wait until it tears apart at the seams and becomes a divorce attorney’s ticket to sending their kids to an Ivy League school, while yours suffer the consequences of wasted resources. Find a counselor or coach who works with couples to help heal the hurts so that you will trust yourselves to fall in love again.
Better yet, if you are thinking about getting married or living together, start by investing in a pre-marriage course or relationship coach. Learn how to speak up about the things that drive you nuts, or why silence is sometimes the best investment. Either way, you will have a better idea of whether you should stay or go before the extravagant wedding day.
Don’t spend $20,000 on a wedding and then $50,000 on a divorce! Invest in your relationship/marriage first!
Call us at 716-446-9226 to set up a consultation.